First I Drink Coffee Hoodie – Dark Nurse Humor for Night Shift Warriors

First I Drink Coffee. Then I Stabilize Vitals and Suppress Emotions.
Let’s be honest—this hoodie isn’t just a joke. It’s a way of life.

Designed for the burned-out, black-caffeinated, emotionally barricaded night shift nurse (or anyone barely clinging to their last nerve), this hoodie blends gallows humor with cold truth. Featuring distressed golden lettering and two skulls flanking a steaming cup of clinical sanity, it’s your armor for chaotic nights and dead-eyed mornings.

Made with soft, durable fabric and a front pocket to hide your coping mechanisms (snacks, sarcasm, emotional detachment), this hoodie delivers all-day comfort—whether you’re braving the ICU or crashing on your couch with zero intentions of talking to anyone.

Why you’ll love it:

Heavyweight cotton blend for cozy insulation

Bold vintage-style gold print on black

Machine washable (because everything smells like sanitizer)

Unisex sizing – no judgment, just caffeine

For healthcare workers, night shifters, and emotionally unavailable legends

This one’s not limited—because burnout is eternal.
Welcome to your emotional support hoodie.

• 100% cotton face
• 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester
• Front pouch pocket
• Self-fabric patch on the back
• Matching flat drawstrings
• 3-panel hood
• Blank product sourced from Pakistan

Disclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!

Size guide